KnicksTape

I’m protesting these ridiculous MNF start times, so I’m instead going to write some random thoughts on every NBA teams. I’m leaving out the Knicks since I’ll talk enough about them this year.

1. Celtics: I’m not going to be able to say anything about them that you already haven’t heard. They’re returning the same team that won the chip last year so they’re the team to beat.
2. Bucks: Not going to lie, I’m a little worried about them. So much has been made about the Knicks, Sixers, and Celtics that they’re being lumped into the Cavs/Pacers/etc tier. Any team with a healthy Giannis for a 7 game series shouldn’t be there. However, if they don’t at least make the ECF, I hope Doc Rivers knows not to let the door hit him on the way out when he gets canned.
3. Cavaliers: The Lights Too Bright All Stars finally resigned Donovan Mitchell. Like a girl flirting with every guy at the bar before going home with you, he finally picked them and said he wanted to be with them the whole time.
4. Magic: They’ll be good one day. They have a lot of good parts but it’ll take some experience for them to put it together. Maybe that happens this year — which would be bad — but remember that young, good regular season teams always have playoff flameouts before they contend (see: OKC)
5. Pacers: These guys are acting like they’ll repeat as a ECF team becuase they beat the Westchester Knicks. There shouldn’t be another team that the fully-healthy Knicks play harder adjacent to remind them their place. I want OG and Bridges to have Haliburton in tears by halftime. Also on Haliburton — can’t wait for his Trae Arc where he get’s really famous or playing us in a series before spending the next few years wasting away as a miscast #1 option on a shitty team.
6. Sixers: Everyone’s favorite dirtiest player in the NBA is back, and this time he’s apparently going to play like half the games since he now only cares about championships. I’m sure the fine folks of Philly are happy to hear that after he’s been in the NBA for a decade. Also what up Paul Reed?
7. Heat: I think the clock has finally struck midnight on them. They’re finding out you can’t suck all year then play injured teams in the playoffs every year. Also Max Struss and Co. aren’t there to shoot the lights out anymore. I’m done hearing about Heat Culture. Sort of how The Patriot Way looks a lot worse without Brady, I wonder if can think of anyone that might’ve given this franchise a bit of undeserved confidence in their front office.
8. Bulls: This tweet tells you what you have to know — who the hell are those guys?: https://x.com/chicagobulls/status/1847261349979517022
9. Hawks: I think they’ll be pretty bad again this year. Only interesting thing will see what lengths the hostage situation Trae has them in will go to. He’s coach killer and can’t imagine a team like the Lakers won’t try to buy low on him since they love firing their coaches.
10. Brooklyn: Mega Ass this year. But — they’re a good example why you should’t worry about spending too many picks. They were supposed to never be good again because of all the picks they traded away, and now because they quasi-developed one guy (Bridges) and traded him, they just got pretty much all the picks back and can rebuild. It’s really not a 10-year long death sentence.
11. Raptors: Basketball purgatory. It’s unclear what their plan is. I will always love RJ and IQ, but their lineup of the future is IQ, Grady Dick, RJ, Scottie Barnes, and Jakob Poetle, so I’m holding off the parade float. If you think that’s just a stopgap before they rebuild, what if I told you each of those guys are signed on long term contracts so that’s pretty much their starting five for the next at least 3 years. They’re too good to get a top 5 pick, but aren’t sniffing a championship
12. Charlotte: I really don’t like them. Besides the fact they employ multiple criminals, I’ve never been a LaMelo fan. Emphasis on the La because he’s trying to steal Melo’s name. I doubt any of his “fans” have ever watched a full Hornets game (I don’t blame them)
13. Wizards: I mean I don’t even know what to say. Unlike the Pistons who have some young players with promise, the cupboard emptier than Mel Gibson’s rocks glass the next morning.
14. Pistons: I actually think they have some promising players (haven’t changed my mind from when I wrote that one sentence ago), but I’m waiting for one to really pop before I declare them a Play-In contender. However, not enough is made about what a disaster the Monty Williams Experience was. Gave him the biggest coaching contract in history, and a year later they were driving him to the airport.