KnicksTape

(Quick note: I have a big article written up on the Knicks offseason that I kind of want to redo. So that’s taking a while to get done. I haven’t forgot about the Knicks)

I’m going to periodically update this page throughout tonight’s game 7 since I think we’re about to see some generational performances tonight. Most would think I mean Jayson Tatum and Jimmy Butler, but my eyes will be on Scott Foster, Tony Brothers, and Joe Mazzulla tonight. If you know me, you know there’s nothing I love more in sports than awful coaching and terrible officiating. Honestly, I think 50% of my texts about sports are to my friends who also cherish these wonderful parts of the game (S/O Parker), so I was like a kid on Christmas when I got the news. A generational lineup of Scott Foster-Tony Brothers-Jon Goble for a game where all the lights are on Second Row Joe has the potential to be one of my favorite sports moments ever. Foster and Brothers going back and forth rewarding Marcus Smart and Kyle Lowry with some of the most BS calls you’ve ever seen as Second Row Joe is saving his timeouts for Game 8 literally has me salivating.

I’m going to do a little blurb for each of these guys, in case you aren’t familiar.

Scott Foster: Formerly known as The Extender, tonight he’s going to be The Closer. He’s been Adam Silver’s number one guy if he needs a series extended to game 7, and now he’ll get the opportunity to take it home for the C’s too. Seriously, seeing Celtic’s Twitter react to him getting the nod for game 7 must’ve been what it felt like watching Mariano Rivera come out of the bull pen in ’99. Last generation has Joey Crawford, and we have Scott Foster. Just appreciate we’re seeing greatness and don’t forget to tune in pregame for him to do the powder toss from the scorer table.

Tony Brothers: This guys an enigma. He’s unarguably the worst ref in the NBA, and both fan bases tonight think he’ll kill them. I believe the stats show he’ll favor the Celtics, but I’m not buying that. We’ve seen Nadal vs Federer, Ali vs Frazier, Tiger vs Phil, Brady vs Peyton, Cena vs The Rock, and now we’re about to see Foster vs Brothers with a trip to the NBA Finals on the line. I can promise you he’s doctoring the official NBA rule book right now to ensure Al Horford gets in early foul trouble. I can’t wait.

Joe Mazzulla: If there’s one thing that stirs my drink, it’s time out mismanagement, and good lord this guy has IT. Jimmy Butler just went on a 7-0 run to cut the lead to 2? Don’t call a TO, you might need them for next game. The other thing I love from Ol’ Second Row Joe is when he’s just standing there with the “Mike Woodson Face” behind the bench while Al Horford is drawing up plays on the clip board. Despite this, he’s somehow got this team 1 game away from the finals, but according to Boston sport talk radio, he wears a buzzer that Brad Steven clicks so he can coach from the owner suite. Truthfully, I feel kind of bad since he’s only here because Udoka couldn’t keep it in his pants, and also because of a quick story that happened this weekend. I was at my friend’s beach house down the Shore, and took a long nap middle of the day. Woke up, went outside, and see my friends invited like 10 girls I’ve never seen before. Normally this would not be a problem, but there was almost 20 of us with like 10 seats and I’m the last one to show up. I have to pull up a chair and sat on the outside of the circle looking over my friend’s shoulder like I’m Steven Glansburg. I looked like a moron just sitting there checking my weather app from the second row, and then it hit me: This must be what Second Row Joe feels like. So because of that, I’m standing up for Second Row Joe in solidarity for dudes that get stuck in the second row.

Updating the rest of the article at the end of every quarter.

Update (First Quarter): Wow. What a start. Let’s get to some notes.

• The game literally started with Scott Foster giving a 50-50 call to Tatum within 17 seconds of tip. Can’t make it up.
• Unrelated to the rest of the article, but I think Jaylen Brown’s inability to dribble is so unbelievably funny.
• Joe Mazzulla is now calling too many timeouts??? What’s happening???
• Tony Brothers had a slow start, and it worried me. But he picked up the pace once he called a loose ball foul from the opposite paint. He’s still got it.
• Remember two bullets ago when I said Mazzulla is now calling too many time outs? NOPE. Called one when his team was on a run, then just sat there knitting a sweater while they go 1/11 and the Heat go on a run. It’s unbelievable.

Update (Second Quarter): It’s the Haywood Highsmith show.

• Do we think Joe Mazzulla knows he’s allowed to tell his players to go over screens?
• I think it’s over for Smart in Boston. That alley oop attempt to Brown was absolutely nuts.
• SVG and Reggie are absurdly bad. I’m fully conviced they’re drunk.
• TONY BROTHERS SHOUTING MATCH WITH TATUM!!
• The Closer just gave Bam his 3rd call all the way from Providence.
• The overall game plan from Mazzulla is crazy. Shaq and Barkley cannot wrap their heads around it. They’re just jacking 3s all night, not moving, not doing anything, and just hoping the shots go in… in a GAME 7.

Update (Third Quarter): Almost gave up on the game. But Celtics seem back.

• Derrick White going nuts. Couple of And-1s don’t hurt…
• Bam is TERRIBLE and Jimmy can’t be good for an entire game. This entire heat team relies on those 4 UFA
• Oooo okay. A few Scott Foster whistles. This is getting fun.
• OH! Now a dicey whistle from Tony Brothers against the C’s. We got a game again.

Update (Fourth Quarter): Caleb Martin is insane

• Celtics are cooked but I loved that foul call by Brothers. He knew he was on stage and gave it his all.
• We just got one Grant Williams away from an all-white lineup in a Conference Finals game. That has to be the first time, right?

Well it’s over for the Celtics. Still can’t believe this Heat team. I was really hoping for this to come down to wire, but at least I got a disaster class from Joe Mazzulla.